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Charlie Productions :
Charlie Productions Ltd would like to point out at this juncture that Adam Waine no longer smokes. Although he does still drink like a fish. How lovely it is to still be a member of the Charlie family, despite total inaction since "If Looks Could Kill" sometime when I still had (some) hair. So what have I been doing? My time has been spent hauling myself up the corporate ladder in a multiplex to the lofty heights of Projection Manager at a cinema that very few people attend. Still I'm not put off - I shall rise phoenix-like one day. I do get to watch films on a regular basis though. Here be my opinion of a few I have seen recently: The Aviator I wasn't much looking forward to this. Despite being a Scorsese film it looked boring. It wasn't boring and it was better than GANGS OF NEW YORK despite having no violence. Then again, THE AGE OF INNOCENCE and KUNDUN were top and they didn't either so maybe I should have had more faith. Pea Head was really good despite not being able to grow facial hair and having to wear a comedy tash. And the plane crash was ace. Cate Blanchett doing Katherine Hepburn was annoying even though she was quite good. It is a suitable film for Oscars, it being inoffensive and a little dull but well made. 7/10 White Noise This is one of the worst films I have ever seen. For a start it should never have been a 15? There was no violence, sex or fuck words. Other than the one time they said fuck, which is obviously a concession to the PG-13 certificate that it probably got in America. It wasn't scary in the slightest and the concept was bullshit. Dead people communicating random words like 'Dave' through static? Fuck off. I nearly pissed myself when his wife speaks to him and he starts to hug the TV. My granddad once told me a story about a boy who kissed a pretty woman on the TV and electrocuted himself. He also told me about a man who fucked his pig. Neither happened in this film, but it would have benefited from either. I can't even be bothered with the ending it was such a crock of shit. This film should die. 0/10 Alexander This did have sex and violence but still managed to be bollocks. Whatever happened to epics like BRAVEHEART, LAST OF THE MOHICANS or even GLADIATOR? Now we get TROY, THE LAST SAMURAI and KING ARTHUR. This wasn't quite as bad as those but it tried bloody hard. It did have a man hitting someone with a severed head and an elephant having its trunk cut off and Rosario Dawson naked so it gets some extra points. But Oliver Stone is one of my favourite directors and this film is a major fucking let down so it loses them. 3/10 Anyway, Rock on. Charlie Productions believe passionately in doing things and always trying to stop in
time for tea.
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