Charlie Productions : Be A Gigolo

"You are, if not God's Gift to Woman then at least Woman's Reasonably Expenisve Gift To Herself "

Now OBVIOUSLY this is NOT a guide to becoming a man-whore. It is, however, an interesting note on the way that sexuality is percieved by men that when, and I'm sure if you've spent any serious amount of time in the company of men that it has, the subject of sleeping with women for money comes into the conversation the usual reaction is that this, like being the star of a blue movie, is one hell of a plum job. I mean sleeping with women is the fundamental goal of many men's day and the idea of getting paid for doing this seems a bit like being a critic and getting paid for doing stuff you'd be doing anyway, like watching films. In fact if there is a better job than gigolo then, I would presume, it would be that of woman critic for some magazine - not only do you get paid but you get to be a little bit famous and probably have your photograph at the top of your coloum (no pun intended). Of course if you could secure this position (again no pun) in a top magazine then the doors would soon open for a wider public role, starting with brief guest appearances as "woman critic and sexual expert" on a television phone-in with Richard and Judy (that's an English trash institution for those of you not reading this at a computer screen somewhere in the UK) which would then doubltessly turn into a regular feature until the onset of STD's and impotence forced you to look to pastures new like becoming the host of "Ready, Steady, Cock" a fun afternoon game show where celebrity whores have to bring a member of the public to a state of orgasm within thirty minutes using a variety of unknown random objects that the said ordinary person brought with them in a bag, whilst dishing out wittiscism and helpful hints on how to overcome sexual problems.

Tom Lloyd as a Gigolo in "William Shakespeare's It's A Short Film About A Gigolo." Tom has asked us to point out that he is not a real Gigolo.

Of course when the truth tip toes on it's terrible feet back into such conversations, as occasionally it must, and it is realised that the majority of gigolos are of course men who get paid for sleeping with other men then the guffaws of envy and the raised eyebrows of "well-I-know-I'd-glady-have-a-piece-of-that-and-I-could-and-all" soon turn to the embarrassed silence of "yeah-I-hadn't-thought-of-that" (which shows a lack of thought since the word gigolo is French). This seems rather strange to me. Apart from the obvious lack of opportunity for a career in day time television that this, rather more mundane, vocation offers I would have thought that being paid to fuck and be fucked by men all day long would really be much more up the street (really no pun) of your average guy. Afterall the numbers of men who are attractive and yet still get turned on by paying for random acts of sexual intercourse with complete strangers must be higher than the numbers of attractive women who are in the same boat - you therefore have a much smaller chance of being involved with some complete minger (to use the expression of the modern idiom). Furthermore it is a tired and hoary old truism that the male appetite and approach to sex is quite different to that of the average woman. To further propagate the stereotype, in simple terms, it is a matter of quickly and all the time verses very slowly and when you least expect it. However this does mean that, in general terms, if you want to get the most out of your casual and inconsequential physical encounters with others (paid or unpaid) you are probably best off sticking to the same gender. This at least was the theory in Classical Greece and they invented the Oylmpic Games, Philosophy, Theatre and doubtlessly a whole bag load of other things which are, basically, gay - like Rugby and Running About.

However what these happy-go-fucky fools blithely ignore about the realities of being a gigolo is the fundamental truth about the line that should be drawn between your hobbies and your work. I know it might seem like a really good idea to get a job doing what is basically your hobby but think this through. At the moment I presume that you are working doing something you either hate or don't especially mind but have no real love for, or may be even actually rather enjoy without ever really expecting to but which is most definitely a job you get paid for and not your hobby. So what do you do when you come home from a really bad day at work - you do something to relax yourself, may be you listen to some music, may be you walk the dog, may be you drink gold top milk from between the thighs of the woman you love - either way it is not work. Now imagine yourself in a different job. May be you are a music critic for Q magazine. May be you get paid for walking the dogs of the elderly and infirm. May be you are a man whore endlessly encouraging errections from your tired member in order to satisify the demands the hoardes of cynical female executives with burnt out eyes and falling busts. You've had a bad day, you come home - what do you do? You see, it's not such a good job after all. There you are thinking that you are, if not God's Gift to Woman then at least Woman's Reasonably Expenisve Gift To Herself and the next thing you know you cannot bare the thought of another pair of bosoms welling greedily over the top of a tight black corset like two vast grey wales trying to escape from captivity. Soon there you are in the pub enviously glancing across the bar at that weedy guy Phil - he walks dogs - AND HE GET'S PAID TO DO IT!

The olympics - "basically gay."

Charlie Productions believe passionately in doing things and always trying to stop in time for tea.
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